SIDELINES
TV WATCH THIS MONTH’S SCREEN REVIEW
One of the most pressing issues facing the new Labour government is the economy’s growing dependence on the gritty football voiceover industry. In the north-west of England, it’s estimated that up to 30 per cent of the adult population now earn their living narrating moodily lit VT packages for broadcasters. With demand at an all-time high, quality is bound to suffer. On MOTD: UEFA Champions League (BBC1, September 18) the opening montage was voiced by a man who sounded like he was whispering death threats from inside a wardrobe in Runcorn, rather than heralding the debut of Europe’s premier club football tournament on the BBC.
Thirty years late to the party, it was always going to be interesting to see how the corporation pitched their coverage. With Jason Mohammad presenting alongside pundits Joe Hart and Stephen Warnock, the answer seemed to be more Football League Show reboot than midweek Match of the Day rival.
Perhaps this shouldn’t come as a surprise. The expanded competition means there is now simply too much Champions League football for it not to be on the BBC. With 189 games to look forward to this season, the powers that be have decided to entrust proceedings to people with experience in the EFL trenches. Of course, things have moved on from the days when Manish Bhasin introducing extended highlights of Rotherham v Peterborough from a balcony was considered the height of cutting-edge innovation. Now there’s an “interactive analysis area” where Warnock draws circles around players, as well as a “floor map of Europe” projected onto the set, just in case you’ve forgotten where Leipzig or Aston are. FA Cup replays died so that the BBC Sport graphics department might live.
UEFA justified the changes to the Champions League by saying that it would result in “more competitive matches for every club”. The word “com-
petitive” is doing a lot of heavy lifting here, given that results from the opening round included Celtic beating Slovan Bratislava 5-1 and Bayern Munich becoming the first team to score nine goals in a single tie, against Dinamo Zagreb. Nevertheless, Hart was pleased for his mates Vinny (Kompany) and Harry (Kane). The jury is still out on the former
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England goalkeeper as a pundit, but he tried his best to establish his credentials here, mostly by saying “blindside press” a lot and generally trying to marshal the limited gravitas available to a grown man from Shrewsbury with tribal tattoos.
Celtic’s result was enough to bump Manchester City’s tie against Inter down the running order. A largely incident-free goalless draw, the main talking point was City’s special edition shirt. Inevitably “designed” by Noel Gallagher, the top is pale yellow with blue sleeves and matching side panels. This makes it look exactly like the tabards worn by the dinner ladies at my junior school. As I watched the game, I was transported back to the lunchtime when I was kicked so hard in the groin that I had to be taken to the headteacher’s office to recover. Presumably this wasn’t quite the emotion Gallagher and Puma were trying to evoke, but it’s not dissimilar to the reaction many of us experience when seeing someone in a Manchester City shirt these days. And that’s the kind of brand consistency you just can’t buy.
Given that Brian Clough’s 44-day spell in charge of Leeds United provided enough content for a book and subsequent feature film, 35 minutes to tell his entire life story seems like a tall order. Commissioned to mark the anniversary of his death, Brian Clough – 20 Years On (BBC iPlayer) is a whistlestop canter through the Clough mythology that largely succeeds because even half an hour of heaving terraces and mudbath pitches soundtracked by the Stranglers, Slade and Cloughie’s greatest quotes is well worth your time.
NUMBERS GAME The figures behind the facts
1
100,000
34
Brentford scored inside a minute in three consecutive league games in September – after 22 seconds, 23 seconds and 37 seconds
Litres of water removed from Plough Lane the day after flooding caused catastrophic damage to AFC Wimbledon’s stadium
The number of penalties in Preston’s 16-15
League Cup shootout win over Fulham,
a competition record
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