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The Promotion of Folly

Awave of Islamic fatwas is currently sweeping through the Arab homeland, issued by men who apply themselves to the right guidance of Muslims, masterfully protecting the true Hanif faith with fatwas, absolute in scope and not subject to debate. Any moment now a new fatwa will be issued following the same routine.

A fatwa will be issued forbidding man and wife to sleep under the same quilt lest the devil be a third presence. Men will be permitted to run away from a difficult test, and women will become pregnant without any impurity.

A fatwa will be issued forbidding cooking at home, for there is no reason to cook anything as long as American hamburgers are available everywhere at MacDonald’s at reasonable prices.

A fatwa will be issued forbidding the beating of animals but allowing the beating of human beings, for the beating of animals is an act of aggression against weak creatures, while the beating of human beings is an act of correcting, amending and setting straight.

A fatwa will be issued forbidding having eyes, for the eye that can see and be blessed by magisterial beards is the same eye that can watch pornographic films and enjoy their horrors.

A fatwa will be issued forbidding laughter, for there is nothing in this earthly life to give joy and make one laugh, and it is stupid to utter trills of joy in celebration when the death penalty is deferred.

A fatwa will be issued forbidding the boycotting of foreign goods, for wealth is a gift from God to those who deserve it, to bring about human wellbeing without distinction between Arabs and foreigners.

A fatwa will be issued forbidding criticism of the ruler, for every citizen is like a sheep in a flock who has a shepherd responsible for him and who has the right to hold him accountable any moment he wishes, without himself being accountable to anyone. Without exception, all that these fatwas want is for this nation to be deaf, mute and blind, when in fact it is not deaf, mute, and blind.

TRANSLATED BY IBRAHIM MUHAWI from Al-Mihmaz, Zakaria Tamer’s Facebook page

BANIPAL 53 – SUMMER 2015 133

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