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Water is Difficult Oxygen and hydrogen in liquid state, convertible by heat into steam, and by cold into ice (Mr. H. Fowler, Mr. F. Fowler, you do make things sound nice). In summary: water is a liquid consisting chiefly of this. Just one of these things, so the Fowlers say, is due to appetite. But I have a thirst / I have a fear of / I have a sin of – and Lucy is on her knees before you, water, admitting that she might not believe. ‘What does it do, what does it do?’ she asks, ‘except leave?’ Tell her before she herself decides to go: Things break – even water. Water must break if we are to enter and live. 14
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All Fools’ Day: An Academic Farewell No negotiation. No negotiation before departure. In this paper I will make no direct reference to the above title, or expand on the possible relevance of my argument, symbolic or otherwise, to the main topic. I will go on to plagiarise several well-known poets and writers without citing their work or acknowledging their influence on my thoughts in any way. See, for example, the epigraph to this abstract, a quote which was taken from the leader of the opposition in Cairo (2011) yet used here out of context in an entirely inappropriate setting. Finally, I will put to myself the same questions that my examiners – so I have been warned – will put to me. Each of my answers will be indirect, unsuitable, and ultimately unclear. I shall fail, in other words, to satisfy the criteria set by the examiners and their governing board. Don’t ask who’s keeping house – no one’s keeping house today. 15

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Water is Difficult

Oxygen and hydrogen in liquid state, convertible by heat into steam, and by cold into ice (Mr. H. Fowler, Mr. F. Fowler, you do make things sound nice). In summary: water is a liquid consisting chiefly of this. Just one of these things, so the Fowlers say, is due to appetite. But I have a thirst / I have a fear of / I have a sin of – and Lucy is on her knees before you, water, admitting that she might not believe. ‘What does it do, what does it do?’ she asks, ‘except leave?’

Tell her before she herself decides to go: Things break – even water. Water must break if we are to enter and live.

14

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