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brahms Now I have your diary it is you as well as I and we act as one when Brahms’s 2nd Piano Conc. comes on the radio... I’m still at school playing it on my Sanyo Radio-Cassette Recorder, or escaping my tormentors in the darkened Music Room, skulking around the gramophone illegally, missing Games, an outcast of the afternoon wondering what it might be to ‘fit in’, and how it might be done, when the opening horn announces there must be something more than this, this is nothing and I am no one, except for the savage, dry euphoria as the piano surges in. 160
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no interruptions I cannot wholly decide about my father’s resolve not to speak or seek out texts or make arrangements except perhaps to the pillow and the blankets. Was it for him, or for us, or was he ‘in denial’ when he preferred to drift and doze to music or ambient conversation as if some unusual act would make the thing too real? That adherence to routine, The Times and the radio, was it because the stream of time remained too precious to interrupt early, as when he waited for the concert to end before unfolding himself from the car? 161

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brahms

Now I have your diary it is you as well as I and we act as one when Brahms’s 2nd Piano Conc. comes on the radio... I’m still at school playing it on my Sanyo Radio-Cassette Recorder, or escaping my tormentors in the darkened Music Room, skulking around the gramophone illegally, missing Games, an outcast of the afternoon wondering what it might be to ‘fit in’, and how it might be done, when the opening horn announces there must be something more than this, this is nothing and I am no one, except for the savage, dry euphoria as the piano surges in.

160

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