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patient intake questionnaire Do you taste pepper whilst eating ice cream? Do sandwiches appear intricately designed? Do you think of waterfalls when lighting a match? Have you started to look at pigeons like they know something? Do you think about your chin when you are kissing? Can you feel the blood in your thumb? Do your eyebrows feel like stickers? Do you look twice at your name on a letter? Does your hair hurt? When barefoot, do your shoes feel too tight? Can you sense the tiny holes in the cotton of your shirt? Do you peel bananas fearfully in case there is no banana inside? Does the ceiling occasionally ripple? Has your pillow developed a strange echo? Does your neck feel like a bone? Do you hear sex noises through the wall when standing in a field? 12
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bipolar purgatory Hey! I’ve got a theme song in my tooth, Tabasco spleen, a reason to say ‘halcyon’, a cobbler on speed-dial who specialises in stretchy glass slippers, an honorary degree from the Hot Pink Sensorium, two tickets for literally every aeroplane, all laid atop the chiffon in my valise but right now I’m thinking about moonstruck linen, beaded skin, a lover swallowed by my sighing or maybe I’m planning a heist, it’s hard to tell with my hood up and sunglasses, shivering in sweatpants etc but I am a neon fish, an interstellar anomaly, undercover angel sent to test you, yes please do admire the greasy knots in my hair like precious gems dipped in chip fat or perspiring padlocks – or these dirt-smeared stars dangling above me, look, that my Limbo Support Team say I have to polish back to shining brilliance using only a j-cloth and ‘cleansing teardrops from my congruent mind’ before I ascend any higher. 13

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patient intake questionnaire

Do you taste pepper whilst eating ice cream?

Do sandwiches appear intricately designed?

Do you think of waterfalls when lighting a match?

Have you started to look at pigeons like they know something?

Do you think about your chin when you are kissing?

Can you feel the blood in your thumb?

Do your eyebrows feel like stickers?

Do you look twice at your name on a letter?

Does your hair hurt?

When barefoot, do your shoes feel too tight?

Can you sense the tiny holes in the cotton of your shirt?

Do you peel bananas fearfully in case there is no banana inside?

Does the ceiling occasionally ripple?

Has your pillow developed a strange echo?

Does your neck feel like a bone?

Do you hear sex noises through the wall when standing in a field?

12

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