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32. I packed again. Before I left, I bought myself a gramophone & sat beside the gas fire, winding it up again – John McCormack records, thinking of Eileen – I hear you calling me, you called when the moon had veiled her light, just before you went from me into the night. I came, do you remember? Mrs Hayes read me like a book in broad daylight. I heard her telling Nellythere was no fool like an old fool & she said it in front of me so I would hear it. There was no sign of Marcel, she said he died with the loneliness after Eileen but she wasn’t one bit upset. I wouldn’t put it past her to kill him. She made eyes in the mirror behind me everydayI searching & she knowing full well where Eileen was. & other days when I thought that if I had to hear John McCormack again, I would throwmyself out the window& I would be glad to feel the black ground thundering to meet me. 84
page 87
33. To be treated like an old fool. To be kept in ignorance, to be treated like I was mad, have faces made behind myback in the mirror. One night I had enough, started shouting. If she couldn’t tell me where Eileen was, I’d smash everyglass in the place. Control yourself, pipe down, you’ve drink taken! I couldn’t believe it when she started talking then & I was sorryfor not bursting out sooner. According to her, she was on the verge of directing me to the Mater Hospital, when I’d interrupted with myundignified shouts. She said it was a fright to God Eileen never took a drop of whiskey. It could have killed the germs. The germs of consumption that were Eileen’s secret, something desperate bad for the hotel business. 85

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32.

I packed again. Before I left, I bought myself a gramophone & sat beside the gas fire, winding it up again – John McCormack records, thinking of Eileen – I hear you calling me, you called when the moon had veiled her light, just before you went from me into the night. I came, do you remember? Mrs Hayes read me like a book in broad daylight. I heard her telling Nellythere was no fool like an old fool & she said it in front of me so I would hear it. There was no sign of Marcel, she said he died with the loneliness after Eileen but she wasn’t one bit upset. I wouldn’t put it past her to kill him. She made eyes in the mirror behind me everydayI searching & she knowing full well where Eileen was. & other days when I thought that if I had to hear John McCormack again, I would throwmyself out the window& I would be glad to feel the black ground thundering to meet me.

84

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