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Zoë Brigley: The first winter in the US, we are living on the edge of the world: the mountains in Pennsylvania. Most days it is just the snow and me. We don’t have any children yet, and every day, when my husband goes to long hours at his new job, I sit and think about the baby I miscarried when I arrived. But I can’t seem to write about it. I am surrounded by snow, but I am reading about the sand at home, Minhinnick writing: ‘An unknown but suspected world:/…the silken run of sand./Once the sea’s cold level covered all/This hollow place: silence like a great stone/Rolled over the world.’1 I cycle into town through the snow, my legs bitten with cold under silk stockings. Occasionally a bear lumbers into town too, then back into the forest again. Sometimes we meet friends in Zeno’s, a cellar bar, and drink cheap beer, and dance drunkenly to the fiddle player’s tune. Sometimes I give palm readings. Here is a long lifeline! See! Two children at least. We talk about everything. Losing my virginity was awful, says one friend. When I ask him why, he just repeats, It was awful. Another friend asks me what love is. I say, I’ll never be submissive, but I think love means having to submit to someone. Someone says, Everyone needs love. And there is so much more of this drunken talk before they throw us out. The pavements are like glass. Someone slips on the ice and hits the back of their head on the concrete. We walk home singing through the night, until we part ways. Goodnight then! Goodnight! And then we are alone, my husband and I, placing our feet carefully on the crust of snow on the field, hardened and icy, the smell of skunk like a brewery on the air. It strikes me then how sad and beautiful the snow is, like death falling down sharply over the mountain town, everything barren and blank. Nothing but snow, its powder stretching over everything like a desert, the town like a forgotten city covered by sand. * RM: Part of my writing creates a bestiary of sand. People are important but so are conger eels, lizards, roe deer, dolphins. As to botany, I wonder how many flowers have names in two languages that celebrate virgins, vipers, devils, thunder? There is nothing like ancient botany for encouraging superstition, itself part of myth. When I climb Cog y Brain, supposedly the second highest dune in western Europe, below me, if the tides are right, is Tusker Rock. Close by were transported those megaliths that became Stonehenge (if this is wishful thinking I don’t care). I concoct my own lore involving these within a context of history, geology and climate change. Vikings, the Irish, Barbary pirates, wreckers, thousands of shipwrecks, American GIs, Paul Robeson, The Excellents, Italian cafés and millions of fairground trippers and caravanners have contributed to the myth. * KE: The years go by, and you survive, falling from book to book, learning to fly. Working in factories and warehouses, months on the dole. Finding the words in Taliesin and Blake, Hopkins and Hughes, and what’s this? Minhinnick? A poet from my own town. Small blessings, hints and clues. LSD opened a whole new library, and I was first at the door, as often as possible. Ah Descartes, what a mistake we have made, following you. Matter is not fundamental, and 1. The Robert Minhinnick poem is part 2 (‘Cwm y Gaer’) of ‘On the Headland’ which appears in Life Sentences (Poetry Wales Press, 1983). 1 6 P O E T R Y W A L E S
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yet, neither is Mind. Rather both together are faces of God. And God is Nature, infinite, perfect. One day, adrift among the foreshore dunes, my hands ablaze with melting sunlight, I spoke a prayer. Why? What did I say? I don’t know, but it was a prayer, and the waves on Kenfig Sands were suddenly a singing voice, a chorus – yes, a chorus of immortals had come. The play stops. I have stepped outside. All is still. The audience appears, biting its tongue. And the chorus speaks: Show me, it says, show me what I have shown you. * ZB: I never know love – deep, ecstatic, life-changing love – until the day that my first son is born. For nine months, I pray, promising all kinds of things, if only the baby will survive. And here he is. In those first few months, it is deep winter in America when the snow sculpts itself to the shape of things, drifts against the front door. The curves remind me of the beaches at home: peppery sand grains wind-blasting the cheeks; sand banks giving way and drifting against sea walls. Perhaps the same wind that here lifts the powdery snow, also gales across the Atlantic to shiver the sand on the shore of Wales. I don’t even mind that the baby is born in winter and we spend our first months snowed in. I hardly sleep at all. I don’t want to write. I just want to look at him. One morning I lie him on his back on the middle of our bed. A mobile is hanging down and he makes a joyful snatching movement with a tiny hand, pedalling his legs as if that could bring it closer. Out the window, everything is dusted with snow, and the trees have grown long, shiny icicles like hard, cold fruit. It is all so incredibly beautiful – the contented baby on the bed, the snow outside moulded so carefully to the shape of things – and I want to stop time. I don’t think I have ever been as happy as in this moment. My baby and I – we are so close that we know every fluctuation of mood in the other. He is still a part of me, but as with all children, he grows into separateness, the journey away from the mother, away from home that every one of us is forced to make. * KE: Where am I now? Flagstones under my feet, a soot-black roof-beam above, a fire crackling in the hearth. I live on the edge of the dunes at Kenfig Farm, tucked in the lea of the legendary Kenfig Pool, sheltered from the wandering sands. This has been my home for fourteen years – my son was born in the bedroom – but I can never bring myself to believe I belong here. You’re still a truant, I tell myself. None of this is your own. But the house is over four hundred years old. Perhaps the first stones were laid even as Descartes was writing his Meditationes de prima philosophia. Our attitudes to the natural world have been profoundly shaped by Descartes. He came to believe that we are divided creatures, split between a rational mind, and a mechanical body. The mind is a little pilot, guiding a lumbering machine through a dead world of soulless machines. Animals are robots, without true feelings. Matter is inert. In many ways, this materialism is still the prevailing ideology among academics and intellectuals in the west. It’s the philosophy that drove both the industrial revolution and the British Empire. It continues to excuse our ecological crisis, and the mass extinction of species. Nothing is sacred. The world is simply a heap of free resources. You are almost obliged to exploit it. I stare at my hands, capable nimble fingers, forty years old. I scoop sand from my doorstep. Sand that slips through itself unseen, falls forward silkily against its own 1 7 P O E T R Y W A L E S

Zoë Brigley: The first winter in the US, we are living on the edge of the world: the mountains in Pennsylvania. Most days it is just the snow and me. We don’t have any children yet, and every day, when my husband goes to long hours at his new job, I sit and think about the baby I miscarried when I arrived. But I can’t seem to write about it. I am surrounded by snow, but I am reading about the sand at home, Minhinnick writing: ‘An unknown but suspected world:/…the silken run of sand./Once the sea’s cold level covered all/This hollow place: silence like a great stone/Rolled over the world.’1

I cycle into town through the snow, my legs bitten with cold under silk stockings. Occasionally a bear lumbers into town too, then back into the forest again.

Sometimes we meet friends in Zeno’s, a cellar bar, and drink cheap beer, and dance drunkenly to the fiddle player’s tune. Sometimes I give palm readings. Here is a long lifeline! See! Two children at least. We talk about everything. Losing my virginity was awful, says one friend. When I ask him why, he just repeats, It was awful. Another friend asks me what love is. I say, I’ll never be submissive, but I think love means having to submit to someone. Someone says, Everyone needs love. And there is so much more of this drunken talk before they throw us out.

The pavements are like glass. Someone slips on the ice and hits the back of their head on the concrete. We walk home singing through the night, until we part ways. Goodnight then! Goodnight! And then we are alone, my husband and I, placing our feet carefully on the crust of snow on the field, hardened and icy, the smell of skunk like a brewery on the air. It strikes me then how sad and beautiful the snow is, like death falling down sharply over the mountain town, everything barren and blank. Nothing but snow, its powder stretching over everything like a desert, the town like a forgotten city covered by sand.

*

RM: Part of my writing creates a bestiary of sand. People are important but so are conger eels, lizards, roe deer, dolphins. As to botany, I wonder how many flowers have names in two languages that celebrate virgins, vipers, devils, thunder? There is nothing like ancient botany for encouraging superstition, itself part of myth. When I climb Cog y Brain, supposedly the second highest dune in western Europe, below me, if the tides are right, is Tusker Rock. Close by were transported those megaliths that became Stonehenge (if this is wishful thinking I don’t care).

I concoct my own lore involving these within a context of history, geology and climate change. Vikings, the Irish, Barbary pirates, wreckers, thousands of shipwrecks, American GIs, Paul Robeson, The Excellents, Italian cafés and millions of fairground trippers and caravanners have contributed to the myth.

*

KE: The years go by, and you survive, falling from book to book, learning to fly. Working in factories and warehouses, months on the dole. Finding the words in Taliesin and Blake, Hopkins and Hughes, and what’s this? Minhinnick? A poet from my own town. Small blessings, hints and clues.

LSD opened a whole new library, and I was first at the door, as often as possible. Ah Descartes, what a mistake we have made, following you. Matter is not fundamental, and

1. The Robert Minhinnick poem is part 2 (‘Cwm y Gaer’) of ‘On the Headland’ which appears in Life Sentences (Poetry

Wales Press, 1983).

1 6 P O E T R Y W A L E S

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