Skip to main content
Read page text
page 6
SIDELINES TV WATCH THIS MONTH’S SCREEN REVIEW Mario Wienerroither’s Musicless Musicvideo posts on YouTube are an instructive illustration of how performers become immediately ludicrous when the sound is turned off (as opposed to Laurence Fox, whose existence becomes absolutely reasonable when put on mute). So it is with football teams in fanless stadiums, the normal tidal backdrop of crowd reaction reduced to the panicky yelping of coaching staff and the occasional distress squeal of a player trying to get an opponent booked. With the return of fans, though, we will lose forever the joy of the distinctly heard profanity from the bench, followed by the delightful ten-second silence in the commentary box before the mumbled apology. Daniel Mann’s example during Bournemouth v Brentford (Sky Sports, April ), “Apologies if you heard any swearing that offended you”, was a wonderful example of this new genre – a breezy, conditional apology, skilfully planting doubt that any swearing happened at all. As the unattended season wears on, small details become preposterous, like a dream gradually revealing itself as such: Fulham’s Ola Aina inexplicably protecting his testicles while lying prone at the feet of his team’s defensive wall and facing his own goal, Jane Lewis straining to conduct a discussion over a rambling PA announcement before the Kilmarnock v St Mirren Scottish Cup quarter-final (BBC Scotland, April ), when she and her two pundits were the only people inside Rugby Park to hear it. At these times we may wonder if there is a reason we are being shown the squeaky absurdity of football played where there is no one present to care; that we should learn to rebuild our lives without the game as our emotional scratching post. Possibly taking advantage of our disorientation, the richest six English clubs took the opportunity to announce they had signed up to a European Super League. Response was immediate and uniform. Everyone B R A D F O R D T I M had an opinion, even those who clearly did not have an opinion. The One Show (BBC One, April ) led with the story. Co-presenting was Michael Ball, who, while presumably briefed on the programme’s first subject of debate, still had residual on his face the wild, confused look of a man who has farted himself awake in the cinema. Ball got through this difficult time by letting Alex Jones and guest Dan Walker do the talking. Walker spoiled a lucid contribution on football becoming mere content to be sold at the highest price, by asking the presenters on closing to choose which shirt he should wear for the next morning’s edition of BBC Breakfast, another unlovely example of the modern presenter’s steely determination to appear relaxed on screen. On Jeremy Vine (Channel , April ), Ann Widdecombe was given airtime on the matter, which is a bit like asking a mad horse to pick a colour for the spare bedroom. Jermaine Pennant, thankfully, came next and, while agreeing with the general view that an evil axis of power was trying to ruin football, added the polite codicil that it was a shame that this broad and passionate consensus was not replicated for the Black Lives Matter movement. On Football Focus (BBC One, April ), David Dein appeared on a large screen to pass judgement on the Super League debacle. In a white shirt, in a bright white room, Dein resembled a serenely powerful pool hall magnate, someone you would trust with your life, until your life became uneconomical. From his Box Room of Cleansing, Dein described the Super League conspiracy as “immoral” and “abhorrent” and completely different from pushing through a Premier League in . He repeatedly advised that we should all “move on”, to “start the healing process” and it would be wrong to mete out any punishment because the six clubs are “a NUMBERS GAME The figures behind the facts 8 8 172 £455m 172 £455m 2 The number of spectators currently being allowed in to each Swedish top- division match 6 WSC Caps won by England’s record appearance holder Fara Williams, who retired in April aged Current debt held by Manchester United, who were debt-free when the Glazers took over in I M A G E S G E T T Y ( ) , A L A M Y
page 7
great asset” who “contribute an awful lot”. To sum up Dein’s position, the big clubs are our friends, they just overreached a little is all. It was their Operation Barbarossa, perhaps, the top six’s Mexican Wall. Or, as the Glazers and Stan Kroenke would say in their native tongue, “No harm, no foul”. As Dan Walker wound the programme down, Mark Lawrenson decided to ask him why he was dressed like a member of the Chinese Communist Party. Lawrenson, in his increasingly rare appearances on Football Focus, has adopted the persona of a disaffected teacher on the verge of retirement, yawning carelessly during the headteacher’s pep-talks. Walker’s relief that there are only so many more of these to ride before he leaves the show will have made his drive home most agreeable. Cameron Carter CO L O R S P O RT , A L A M Y Former Crewe Alexandra chairman John Bowler Lessons learned CREWE ALEXANDRA Clive Sheldon QC’s report for the FA on child sexual abuse in the game triggered a rapid and profound transformation among Crewe Alexandra’s supporters and directors, and the departure of chairman John Bowler. Crewe have been at the centre of the game’s abuse scandal since when former players revealed how they had been raped and molested as boys by Barry Bennell. The club’s youth coach between and , he is serving a -year prison sentence for numerous sex offences against junior players at Crewe and other clubs. The club were criticised by media, politicians and football organisations for their response to the affair – or more accurately, lack of one. Other than a few statements denying specific allegations, officials tried to draw a veil over the matter by maintaining a determined silence. This strategy proved reputationally disastrous, particularly when in early the directors reneged on a promise to hold an independent inquiry into the affair. The refusal to apologise to survivors, even after financial settlements were made, appeared crass and callous. From the high of being named the Most Long-time manager Dario Gradi Admired Football League Club at the Football League Awards in , Crewe’s image went to an all-time low. Furthermore, journalists and others who raised questions about Dario Gradi, the long-serving manager, and Bowler, who was vice-chairman before becoming chairman in , were lambasted by some supporters on social media. Fans who likewise had concerns were cowed into silence, and some, including myself, found that their affection for the Alex had diminished. That first group of fans reacted with fierce, unquestioning loyalty in order to resolve the confusion of their two heroes’ conflicted legacy. Gradi, who left the club in , and Bowler were responsible for managing a man who repeatedly raped boys in Crewe’s care. Yet the pair had also transformed the club from a joke Fourth Division outfit in the mid- s to one that spent eight seasons in the Championship over the turn of the century. They rebuilt the stadium, established a renowned academy and produced several international players. They also gave fans a previously scarce commodity – pride. Over an extraordinary few days, however, publication of the Sheldon Report in March laid the ground for resolving this painful dichotomy and salvaging the club’s image. The report found the club had failed to safeguard boys. Neither Bowler nor Gradi ever checked on the welfare of those staying at Bennell’s house. Rumours about Bennell’s paedophilia were ignored. Sheldon said Gradi’s behaviour – he also had juniors staying with him regularly, although without any suggestion of improper behaviour – “normalised” Bennell’s practice of hosting boys. Crewe’s initial response to these findings was unchanged. A statement SCENES FROM FOOTBALL HISTORY No 355 D AV E RO B I N S O N WSC 7

Page Text

View plaintext

SIDELINES

TV WATCH THIS MONTH’S SCREEN REVIEW

Mario Wienerroither’s Musicless Musicvideo posts on YouTube are an instructive illustration of how performers become immediately ludicrous when the sound is turned off (as opposed to Laurence Fox, whose existence becomes absolutely reasonable when put on mute). So it is with football teams in fanless stadiums, the normal tidal backdrop of crowd reaction reduced to the panicky yelping of coaching staff and the occasional distress squeal of a player trying to get an opponent booked.

With the return of fans, though, we will lose forever the joy of the distinctly heard profanity from the bench, followed by the delightful ten-second silence in the commentary box before the mumbled apology. Daniel Mann’s example during Bournemouth v Brentford (Sky Sports, April ), “Apologies if you heard any swearing that offended you”, was a wonderful example of this new genre – a breezy, conditional apology, skilfully planting doubt that any swearing happened at all.

As the unattended season wears on, small details become preposterous, like a dream gradually revealing itself as such: Fulham’s Ola Aina inexplicably protecting his testicles while lying prone at the feet of his team’s defensive wall and facing his own goal, Jane Lewis straining to conduct a discussion over a rambling PA announcement before the Kilmarnock v St Mirren Scottish Cup quarter-final (BBC Scotland, April ), when she and her two pundits were the only people inside Rugby Park to hear it. At these times we may wonder if there is a reason we are being shown the squeaky absurdity of football played where there is no one present to care; that we should learn to rebuild our lives without the game as our emotional scratching post. Possibly taking advantage of our disorientation, the richest six English clubs took the opportunity to announce they had signed up to a European Super League. Response was immediate and uniform. Everyone

B R A D F O R D

T I M

had an opinion, even those who clearly did not have an opinion.

The One Show (BBC One, April ) led with the story. Co-presenting was Michael Ball, who, while presumably briefed on the programme’s first subject of debate, still had residual on his face the wild, confused look of a man who has farted himself awake in the cinema. Ball got through this difficult time by letting Alex Jones and guest Dan Walker do the talking. Walker spoiled a lucid contribution on football becoming mere content to be sold at the highest price, by asking the presenters on closing to choose which shirt he should wear for the next morning’s edition of BBC Breakfast, another unlovely example of the modern presenter’s steely determination to appear relaxed on screen. On Jeremy Vine (Channel , April ), Ann Widdecombe was given airtime on the matter, which is a bit like asking a mad horse to pick a colour for the spare bedroom. Jermaine Pennant, thankfully, came next and, while agreeing with the general view that an evil axis of power was trying to ruin football, added the polite codicil that it was a shame that this broad and passionate consensus was not replicated for the Black Lives Matter movement.

On Football Focus (BBC One, April ), David Dein appeared on a large screen to pass judgement on the Super League debacle. In a white shirt, in a bright white room, Dein resembled a serenely powerful pool hall magnate, someone you would trust with your life, until your life became uneconomical. From his Box Room of Cleansing, Dein described the Super League conspiracy as “immoral” and “abhorrent” and completely different from pushing through a Premier League in . He repeatedly advised that we should all “move on”, to “start the healing process” and it would be wrong to mete out any punishment because the six clubs are “a

NUMBERS GAME The figures behind the facts

8

8

172 £455m

172 £455m 2

The number of spectators currently being allowed in to each Swedish top-

division match

6 WSC

Caps won by England’s record appearance holder Fara Williams,

who retired in April aged

Current debt held by Manchester United,

who were debt-free when the Glazers took over in

I M A G E S

G E T T Y

( ) ,

A L A M Y

read next page

My Bookmarks

Buy this Book
Skip to main content