THE BULLSHIT OF MODERN FOOTBALL
(#tbomf each and every month)
We still await male Reds posing in their skid marked underpants with a new Utd shirt on, man boobs partially sighted in the hope their tenuous football supporting link will get desperate members of the opposite sex to send them gifts. Suppose it's better than those desperately asking for ‘will follow you back’ as if they were 8 years of age.
So all hail the caring, considerate side to the PL, what with their first ever ‘net zero fixture’, Spurs v. Chelsea. At first we thought they were referring to the average amount of brain cells in the away end, but apparently ‘fans will be urged to travel to the stadium via bicycle or public transport and eat only vegan food’. Not quite sure where to fucking start with that one, as ever it's us mugs asked to sacrifice - whilst SKY TV fuck with carbon footprints with shafted, shifted kick-off times, forcing even longer journeys with no public transport available, as footballers throw us a quorn burger, then travel on a private jet,
living in their 25 room mansions, hosting the next roasting party. But yeah, I'll ride my bike to Anfield (at least two wheels can only be stolen instead of four) because of your ludicrous grandstanding pr stunt. ‘The clubs are working with broadcaster Sky to cut emissions around the match.’ - so no large trucks and energy cables just get the BBC to stand down Jermaine Jenas for the day, that'll reduce the carbon fumes for a good while. Good old Spurs, all heart them, furlough staff u-turn, at their new stadium built on compulsory purchase order land and charging Haringey Council £33k for use of their car park as food bank hubs according to PrivateEyeNews for ‘third party services’. But walk 20 miles to the ground - as that plush team coach spews out fumes passing you by!
POINT SCORING ONLINE
We realise our pisstake of transfer junkies last season in the mag (282/283) predicted Ronaldo's return - so you have us to thank! To be fair, the ‘ANNOUNCE SOMEONE’ lot seemed a bit quieter this summer, maybe sleeping off all that solo sex juice from Ronaldo and Messi BOTH moving in the same window, so to make do, they transferred their odd behaviour onto lesser footballing subjects. Nothing quite sums up just how odd footballing internet is than a report that ‘Pep Guardiola became fascinated by the formation of geese in flight when reviewing drone footage of ManCity training one afternoon last year. He enthused about their teamwork and noticed similarities with how a squad should behave together.’ than Utd fans suddenly jumping up, excitedly and saying ‘no, Fergie used geese first!’. A very odd hill to die on (think Alan Bradley in Corrie bad) - when everybody knows it was Tony Soprano who started it.
In saying that, I'll join the sad bastards by saying Fergie's explanation was far better you bald headed Blue twat: “It’s one of my great stories at United. I had a pal whose cousin had a farm in Canada, and he was telling me about geese flying from Canada to warmer climates in the winter and I said ‘that’s a great story’. So it was the first game of the season after winning the league, I was telling the players about these geese who were flying 4,000 miles from the sun in two Vs, and that the ones in the second row don’t fly and then the others take over - that’s team
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